Have you ever loved someone so much it hurts?

I never had until this relationship.

This relationship which has changed me into this person who I am totally unfamiliar with, whom my friends are totally unfamiliar with.

My heart literally cringes when I think about him leaving me. Every little thing he says or does affects me. I do not exaggerate when I say I cannot imagine how life would be like without him by my side anymore.

Although it has only been 4 short months, honestly it has been a roller coaster ride. If I had the chance to go back in time, I would not change anything, I would do it all over again. Because this man taught me how to love, taught me what it is like to really truly love someone so much that it hurts. He taught me humility, he taught me how to think for others and not only for myself, he taught me how to care for someone other than myself. He brings meaning to my life, he made me feel what it is like to fall head over heels in love.

No other man has ever made me feel this way. Not a single one. Life likes to play tricks on people and fate has the weirdest sense of humor. It is ironic really.

I love him for all that he is. For all his insecurities, his overly active imagination, his short temper, the way he never fails to make me smile (tho that doesnt work all the time), the way he would explain things to me with his infallible logic and reasoning (which drives me up the wall sometimes), the way we can talk about anything under the sun, the way he is my lover, my boyfriend and my best friend. In short, I love him for who he is, everything that he brings to my life (shortcomings and all).

I dare not ask for much, I just ask that God give him the strength to think about what he wants, give him the strength to overcome all his insecurities and his fears and to give him the courage to reach a decision be it now or later.